One of the first things I did when I broke up with Fiance and made the decision to become a SMC was to make a list of guys I know that I'd think about considering to be a donor. Not too long after making the list I crossed them all off for one reason or another. The reasons ran the gamut from taking too many prescription meds to tobacco chewer. Perhaps some of the reasons were really more about being afraid to ask than anything that would truly interfere with the health and ability of the sperm, but that didn't really matter to me in that moment. So it was then I decided to go down the path of private sperm donor. It was long and windy and ultimately didn't pan out as I'd hoped. So I began to revisit the idea of a known donor and one of the men on the list really started to sound like a good idea. He was local to me, someone I'd known for a number of years, career oriented, whom I respected, is physically fit, single, never married, and who never had children, but is good with them, and we also had a random conversation over the summer about my plans and how he was kind of second guessing whether it really was a good idea for him to have never had a child.
To me it seemed the perfect match, and to a couple girl friends I ran it by as well. I think it's important for a child to have access to their biological parents in some capacity. I wouldn't ask for regular connection or money, at all, ever. No responsibility on donor dad's part except to be willing to meet your kid and hang out with us every now and then however that works best for all of us. He could still travel, work and do his own thing knowing part of his family/genes/heritage-very important to him, would get carried on.
By November 2009 I had worked up the courage to send him an email. He wrote back with in days... "Wow! I am honored and a bit overwhelmed by your request. Given the magnitude and significance of this decision, I will have to sit with this for a week or so and think about it. Again, I am deeply honored by your consideration of me.
To me it seemed the perfect match, and to a couple girl friends I ran it by as well. I think it's important for a child to have access to their biological parents in some capacity. I wouldn't ask for regular connection or money, at all, ever. No responsibility on donor dad's part except to be willing to meet your kid and hang out with us every now and then however that works best for all of us. He could still travel, work and do his own thing knowing part of his family/genes/heritage-very important to him, would get carried on.
By November 2009 I had worked up the courage to send him an email. He wrote back with in days... "Wow! I am honored and a bit overwhelmed by your request. Given the magnitude and significance of this decision, I will have to sit with this for a week or so and think about it. Again, I am deeply honored by your consideration of me.
All the best,"
Well, I think it took more than a month before we actually talked in person about it. And despite it seeming like the best idea in the world to me...Known Donor was just too apprehensive about it to even want to discuss his apprehensions so I thanked him for considering it and we went on our merry ways. Thankfully it hasn't caused any awkwardness between us since we see each other often.
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